“When morning came, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?'” – Genesis 29:25

O Holy One of Abraham and Isaac
and of my husband-now-by-fraud, Jacob:

Hear my prayer.

My veil is now cast off. But will he view
my face by flickering lamplight, or
instead will he embrace me knowing that
I am my sister. How could he not know?

I shiver here, O Holy One, for fear
of what he’ll do upon discovering
he’s been deceived. My face has never pleased
him. Will he break it in his rage?

What am I doing here? My father claims
I need a husband and to be the first
to wed, before my sister does, and so
I stood a-shaking in the gown and veil.

My sister, I am sure, wept bitter tears
which I imagine I could hear during the vows,
and which I still hear echoing
within this dark and stifling room.

God, here I am, compelled to wed,
and soon I’ll be compelled to mate,
and then I’ll be compelled to bear,
and bear resentful eyes of sister and of him.

What can I do? Where could I run?
Perhaps I’ll speak to him, but to what end?
The deed is done – except the deed, of course –
and who will credit anything I say?

Oh, God. There’s laughter in the hall.
My father’s voice, and his. Dear God.
Preserve my life this night from violence,
and bring me safe to morn.

Perhaps a dawn will come, some day,
when Jacob, Rachel, and myself will laugh
as Jacob laughs outside the door,
and then we’ll weep for all the pain we’ve borne.

Quick, God! Oh, spirit me away!
I dread this night, and fear the morn,
and cannot see beyond these hours
a future brighter than this unlit room.

He comes.

A poem/prayer based on Genesis 29:15-28, the Revised Common Lectionary Alternate First Reading for Year A, Proper 12 (17).

The image is Jacob and Laban with Rachel and Leah, artist unknown (Bologna, Italy, 17th cent.) Image posted by https://clevelandart.org/art/1939.666.a, CC0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=77173131.