“Then they came to Capernaum, and when he was in the house he asked them, ‘What were you arguing about on the way?’ But they were silent, for on the way they had argued with one another who was the greatest.” – Mark 9:33-34

Sitting in your house, you catch my eye.
I see the smile play upon the corners of your lips.
“That argument you had along the way. Now tell me:
What were all those snarling words about?”

Now, I don’t want to tell. You see that, right?
Your eyes move on from mine to James, and John,
to Andrew, Philip, Matthew, Simon, James,
Bartholomew and Thaddeus, Thomas, Judas, too.

“So tell me!” you repeat and smile, still.
You know, I know, because my frozen face
declares it. So do all the faces of the twelve.
You shake your head at our embarrassed silence.

“Would you be great?” you ask me, and I need
not answer. Yes, I would! I’d be the warrior
at the side of Christ, to fight and even die
if need be. I would live in glory.

“If you’d be great,” you say, and lift
the ragged cuff of my left sleeve,
“you won’t be first, but last. You’ll be
the servant of the least of these.”

All right, you’ve said such things before,
and we had nodded, for your words were wise.
I somehow never thought that they’d apply to me.
I somehow never thought I’d die in poverty.

I may have held my tongue since your rebuke
of “Get behind me, Satan!” but I do not yet
accept your forecast of betrayal and a cross.
I’d overcome those evils, not embrace them.

I see again, however, you and I
have taken sides in opposition here.
My greatness is not yours. Your greatness is
not mine. I can’t think what to do.

Whatever happens, I will not abandon you.
I’ll wrestle with these things I do not want
to understand, and maybe one of us
will change their mind. In honesty?

I hope it’s you.

A poem/prayer based on Mark 9:30-37, the Revised Common Lectionary Second Reading for Year B, Proper 20 (25).

The image is The Tears of Saint Peter by El Greco (ca. 1590) – National Museum of Art, Architecture and Design (Norway), Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=98036830.